Topic Category: Sentence Style

Introduction

“Brevity is the soul of wit,” said Shakespeare’s Polonius, though he himself was rather pompous and wordy!

This page teaches you how to avoid verbosity (a fancy word for wordiness) and write succinctly.

Be Ruthless

Editing is like going on a diet: you have to cut out all the junk if you want to see results.

For instance, you can often delete the opening sentences of a first draft:

Since humans are primates, their beliefs and assumptions can be explained as the effect of evolution. In other words, human behaviour is not exempt from the law of natural selection. For example, we might seem civilized, but if someone crashes into our vehicle we quickly succumb to road rage. Evolutionary biology can also provide insight into our perception of beauty. Beauty is not simply in the eye of the beholder. A symmetrical body, for instance, is desirable because it is an indicator of health and fitness…

If we scratch the text in red then we can start much closer to the actual topic:

Better: Evolutionary biology can provide insight into our perception of beauty. Beauty is not simply in the eye of the beholder. A symmetrical body, for instance, is desirable because it is an indicator of health and fitness…

Zooming in as quickly as possible requires a certain mindset. In high-school, students are often taught that any information on a topic is relevant. Just google your subject and gather as much material as you can. If you want to be a strong writer, however, you have to be selective. Every sentence has to build on the last until the essay is somewhat of an architectural wonder.

Take the following sentence:

Children’s literature has the ability to entertain both the children for whom it has been written and the adults who may be reading it.

Most of this sentence is redundant, and a shortened version reveals that the argument is quite simplistic:

Children’s literature provides entertainment for children and adults alike.

The wonderful thing about editing for conciseness is that you discover what you really want to say. (Or sometimes what you don’t want to say.)

Tips

Avoid Overlapping Sentences:

Don’t repeat too much of the previous sentence:

The chameleon uses protective coloration to blend in with its environment. In addition to being able to change its colour, the chameleon also has an extraordinarily long tongue.

Better: The chameleon uses protective coloration to blend in with its environment. It also has an extraordinarily long tongue.

Such overlapping often masks the fact that our ideas are poorly connected. In this case, our edit reveals that there is no adequate transition between the two topics (protective coloration … a long tongue).

Avoid Too Many Doubles

Some writers have a habit of saying everything in twos:

The concept or idea that led to the talent show was the notion that even babies and infants are able to communicate and interact with others.

Better: The talent show was inspired by the fact that even babies can communicate.

Not only did we cut down on the synonyms, but we removed a few other redundant bits too. Remember: be ruthless!

Don’t Dither Around With Verbs:

While you often need a string of verbs, avoid piling it on:

Jamal has a chance to be able to win his badminton match.

Better: Jamal has a chance to win his badminton match.

One main verb is better than a handful.

Avoid Hyperbole

Don’t write as if every sentence requires an exclamation mark. Avoid excessive use of the following intensifiers:

very

so

completely / entirely / essentially / totally

Let the idea speak for itself.

Pick The Right Word

Lazy writers pick the first word or phrase that comes to mind. They’ll write not the same instead of different, or despite the fact that instead of while or although. Try to find the best word for the job.

Avoid Redundancy

Spoken English is full of redundant phrases. Here are a few to watch out for when you write:

absolutely essential (saying that something is essential is enough)

advance planning (all planning is done in advance)

new invention (an invention is by definition new)

currently (context will usually indicate the time frame)

The list goes on, but the point is clear: think carefully about the literal meaning of everything you write.

Final Thoughts

While a text often resembles an overgrown garden, sometimes an editor can go too far. It’s good to cut back on verbiage (just as on foliage), but if you use a machete you end up with a rock garden.

There is something abundant and organic to your personal style. Don’t be satisfied with just being concise.

Appendix

Here’s a list of some other words and phrases that often create unnecessary padding:

For the most part
Per se
Due to the fact that
The point is
Apparently
Actually
Literally (as in It is literally time to go home)
Basically
As mentioned previously

Introduction

Crafting a great sentence is not just a matter of avoiding errors. This page provides some constructive advice about how to make your sentences flow naturally.

Tips for Better Sentences

Choose a Clear Subject

Some writers try to squeeze too much into the subject of the sentence:

The etymological connection between Sambucus nigra (the elderberry tree) and the anise-flavoured liqueur Sambuca is not well-known.

Subject: The etymological connection between Sambucus nigra (the elderberry tree) and the anise-flavoured liqueur Sambuca

Verb: is

Here’s the same sentence, but with a simpler subject:

Not many people know that Sambucus nigra (the elderberry tree) shares its etymology with the anise-flavoured liqueur Sambuca.

In other words, choose a simple subject (people) over a complex and abstract one.

In addition, select specific verbs (know, shares) to make your description as vivid as possible.

Pick the Right Verb

As mentioned, don’t settle for vague verbs. For instance, it’s easy to form sentences with the verb “to be”:

The farmer is in his field.

The Danes are the highest-taxed people in the world.

Now let’s substitute a more specific verb:

The farmer plows his field.

The Danes pay the highest taxes in the world.

So check your writing and choose the best verb for the job.

Find Your Voice

Another way to make your writing more direct is to write in the active voice:

Passive voice: Citroëns are rarely bought by North Americans.

Active voice: North Americans rarely buy Citroëns.

Don’t overdo it though. The passive voice exists for a reason. It demonstrates how someone or something is affected by a particular action. Pick the voice that makes the most sense.

Avoid Expletives

An expletive is not only a swear word (which you should avoid too), but it is also a particular grammatical construction. It’s a word (there or it, followed by a form of “to be”) that helps us to form a complete sentence but contains no meaning itself:

There were many people who were shocked by her performance.

It is to be expected that students plagiarize if there are no penalties in place.

Often you can shorten such sentences:

Many people were shocked by her performance.

Without penalties in place, students will plagiarize.

So save expletives for when you want to emphasize (or introduce) the subject. Otherwise, be succinct.

Vary the Length

Public speakers know the power of a short sentence. Here is an excerpt from Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech (1963):

The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.

We cannot walk alone.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.

We cannot turn back.

(For the full text, see www.americanrhetoric.com)

While written prose does not need to be quite as dramatic, the same rhetorical principle applies. If you vary your sentence length, you give the reader a chance to take a breath.

It’s like going downhill on a bike. It’s nice to coast for a bit.

Be Positive

Watch out for double negatives and, where possible, use positive constructions:

That is not an unattractive proposition.

Better: That is an attractive proposition.

Here’s another example, just for kicks:

It is not inconceivable that we could conceive. If we are not infertile, we will call our child Vizzini.

Better: It is conceivable that we could conceive. If we are fertile, we will call our child Vizzini.

Focus on Your Main Clause

It’s all too easy to relegate the most interesting details to subordinate clauses:

In my friend’s culture, the wedding ceremony is quite elaborate, as it includes painting the bride with henna and showering the bride and groom with money.

Main clause: the wedding ceremony is quite elaborate.

Where possible, try to incorporate such vivid and colorful details in the main clause:

Better: In my friend’s culture, the elaborate wedding ceremony includes painting the bride with henna and showering the bride and groom with money

Think About Beginnings and Endings

Consider where you want the emphasis of a sentence to fall. Many sentences place the emphasis at the beginning or the end:

Initial emphasis: High rates of HIV/AIDS have had a powerful effect on the average life expectancy in places such as Botswana and Swaziland.

Final emphasis: This whole week I’ve been dealing with a massive headache.

Having some idea of where the emphasis lies can help you develop a sense of rhythm in a paragraph.

Don’t Tack on Extra Information

Too many additions and extensions can spoil a house. It’s the same with sentences. Particularly after a longer quotation you’re usually best off starting a new sentence:

According to Hugh Simpleton, a minimalist is someone who “gets rid of the clutter in order to find him or herself,” a definition that I’ve adopted as my mantra.

This is not bad, but often it’s a good idea to split up long sentences:

 According to Hugh Simpleton, a minimalist is someone who “gets rid of the clutter in order to find purpose in life.” I’ve adopted this definition as my mantra.

Use a period and let the reader breathe a little.

Introduction

A period at the end of a sentence is like a dam in a river: it creates an artificial barrier that interrupts the flow. Yet water cannot be contained forever, and in the same way our ideas overflow each individual sentence.

This is what making writing so difficult: how do we take a complex argument and split it up into so many smaller units? This page will teach you some strategies for connecting your sentences in a natural way.

The Challenge

Take a look at the following sentences and how they connect to each other:

In 1946, George Orwell wrote “The Politics of the English Language.” The essay argues that much of our writing is imprecise and pretentious. The reason that Orwell argues this is that in his experience people are lazy when it comes to picking the right word. An example of such laziness would be when we pick what Orwell calls a dead metaphor. An example of a dead metaphor would be when you say, “these hemorrhoids are a real pain in the neck.” This is a dead metaphor because hemorrhoids are not literally a pain in the neck.

The writing in this passage is rather laboured. Each sentence overlaps with the previous one, as if we continually need to pick up the thread again.

Such a writing style is not unusual among university students, and it’s caused by two contradictory tendencies. On the one hand, students tend to construct each sentence as a separate idea, not fully realizing that with a bit of editing sentences can be combined or split up. We can see that in the first sentence, which contains very little content and can easily be combined with the second one:

Original: In 1946, George Orwell wrote “The Politics of the English Language.” The essay argues that much of our writing is imprecise and pretentious.

Revision: In his essay “The Politics of the English Language” (1946), George Orwell argues that much of our writing is imprecise and pretentious.

By contrast, the second tendency is a kind of overcompensation for having isolated each idea in the first place. Now the student tries very hard to create connections. This is why so many sentences express a cause and effect relationship (“The reason …”; “This is … because”) or use formulaic phrasing (“An example would be”).

Somehow we have to find a balance between these two tendencies.

Parataxis and Hypotaxis

Sentences and clauses are a bit like people: some are entirely self-absorbed, whereas others interact well with others. Sentences that act as if there’s no one else are called paratactic sentences. These sentences don’t use many connecting words or transitional expressions. To be precise, they don’t use subordination; every clause is treated as equally important:

Chameleons are remarkable creatures. They have very long tongues and are famous for being able to change the colour of their skin. They have special cells called chromatophores. Chromatophores contain different pigments. Chameleons change their colour to regulate their body temperature and to communicate with other chameleons.

If your prose is primarily paratactic, it will come across as choppy and it may be difficult for the reader to follow your train of thought.

By contrast, the term hypotaxis refers to a writing style where clauses are subordinated to each other. Hypotactic prose includes more dependent clauses (and, by extension, more conjunctions):

Although AirBnB is often seen as a great company that promotes sharing spaces and having an adventure, it is also responsible for causing a housing crisis in many major cities. Since homeowners can earn more from renting out their home to tourists than to locals, they turn to AirBnB. Not only is this the case while owners are away on a brief holiday, but it has become common for properties to be permanently available on AirBnB.

You’ll notice that this passage is full of subordinating conjunctions (although, that, since). This style creates more connections, but it also has a weakness. If all your prose is consistently hypotactic, it requires more effort to understand. Hypotactic sentences are typically longer and more complex.

The thing to realize, then, is that good writers use a mix of paratactic and hypotactic sentences. Good writers think about such things as pacing and tone, and vary their sentences accordingly. So experiment with parataxis and hypotaxis and you will gain more control of your writing.

Combining Sentences

One of the greatest skills you can develop is being able to merge shorter sentences. The point is not that longer is better. Rather, being able to move sentence parts around allows you to connect and express your ideas more effectively.

Here are a few strategies for making connections.

Subordination

As mentioned, subordination makes your sentences hypotactic. Making one clause dependent on another allows you to create hierarchy and order:

Original: At the outset of World War I, Belgium was a neutral country. Germany asked to move troops through Belgian territory. Belgium refused and was drawn into the war.

Revision: Although Belgium was neutral at the start of World War I, it was drawn into the war when it refused Germany’s request to move troops through Belgian territory.

Notice too that form matches content: the fact that the clauses are all connected mirrors the way one action led to another.

Using Phrases

You can also combine sentences by turning clauses into phrases. Often these phrases will include participles (e.g., training, trained):

Original: Boris trained at high altitude. He shaved a minute off his 5 km time.

Revision 1: After training at high altitude, Boris shaved a minute off his 5 km time.

Revision 2: Having trained at high altitude, Boris shaved a minute off his 5 km time.

 Another effective way to combine sentences is to use an appositive phrase.

Original: Tina Turner is a famous American singer. In 2013 she became a Swiss citizen.

Revision: In 2013, Tina Turner, the famous American singer, became a Swiss citizen.

Incidentally, you can also use a relative clause to insert information in the middle of a clause:

Tina Turner, who has long lived near Zurich, became a Swiss citizen in 2013.

Conjunctive Adverbs

You won’t always want to combine sentences, but you can still connect them in any number of ways. Most often you’ll use a conjunctive adverb or transitional expression.

Daniel wanted to buy a log cabin home. However, his wife preferred something more modern.

We love dining out. Nevertheless, for the sake of our bottom line (pun intended), we are eating at home for an entire week.

The challenge with conjunctive adverbs is that it’s easy to rely on them too much. If every sentence starts with moreover, thus, or therefore, your writing will start to seem stale and formulaic.

So don’t be too heavy-handed in your use of conjunctive adverbs.

Beginnings and Endings

Often it’s possible to connect sentences by repeating a phrase or idea. Notice how the following examples create connections with either the beginning or end of the first sentence:

Some days my arthritis is very painful. Some days I can hardly get out of bed.

Uncle Bramwell let me fly his favourite plane, a fully restored WW II Spitfire. Such an aircraft would fetch millions of pounds at an auction.

When used badly, repetition becomes redundancy. When used effectively, it becomes poetry. If you want proof, read chapter 1 of the Gospel of John.

Anaphora

Another biblical passage that provides a great stylistic example is 1 Cor. 13. The main stylistic technique in this chapter is anaphora, or the repetition of the opening words of successive clauses. Here are just a few verses:

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. (1 Cor. 13: 11-12).

What makes this passage particularly poignant is that while the anaphora creates a forward movement, a sense of continuity, there is also a counter movement, a pull in the opposition direction. The contrast between “now” and “then” suggests that things are not the same: much has changed as the speaker has matured.

In academic writing, anaphora is usually more muted, but it can still be an effective technique. Here, for instance, is C. S. Lewis writing about natural law (what he calls the Tao) in The Abolition of Man:

We may legitimately hope that among the impulses which arise in minds thus emptied of all ‘rational’ or ‘spiritual’ motives, some will be benevolent. I am very doubtful myself whether the benevolent impulses, stripped of that preference and encouragement which the Tao teaches us to give them and left to their merely natural strength and frequency as psychological events, will have much influence. I am very doubtful whether history shows us one example of a man who, having stepped outside traditional morality and attained power, has used that power benevolently. I am inclined to think that the Conditioners will hate the conditioned.

The third time around Lewis changes the phrase and turns from doubt to greater certainty.

Conclusion

There are other strategies for connecting sentences. You can use parallel structure. You can ask questions about what you’ve just said. There’s no need then to get stuck in a rut—move around the pieces until you’re happy with the result.

To practice what you’ve learned, print out our Combining Sentences Exercise or do the exercise on hypotaxis and parataxis.

Introduction

Parallelism occurs when at least two parts of a sentence (clauses or phrases) have a similar form.

Here’s an example:

I love swimming, but I don’t like snorkeling.

Each clause uses a present participle (swimming, snorkeling) to create symmetry.

If the sentence had been I love swimming, but I don’t like to snorkel, it would be a case of faulty parallelism. Most cases of parallelism involve either a list or some form of comparison.

Recognizing faulty parallelism

The following examples illustrate some common causes of faulty parallelism.

Comparison

When we compare things, we often use conjunctions. What’s connected by the conjunctions needs to be parallel.

Monetarism is an economic policy that seeks to control the supply of money and preventing excessive inflation.

Correct: Monetarism is an economic policy that seeks to control the supply of money and to prevent excessive inflation.

At the same time, there’s no need to be too much of a stickler about parallelism. It may sound more natural to drop the last to and leave it implied.

Watch out especially for correlative conjunctions. Here’s an example:

Mrs. Twinklestar not only taught the children the history of windmills, but also the story of Don Quixote.

Correlative conjunction: not only … but also

Correct: Mrs. Twinklestar not only taught the children the history of windmills, but also read the story of Don Quixote.

Correct: Mrs. Twinklestar taught the children not only the history of windmills, but also the story of Don Quixote.

As you can see, when the correlative conjunction comes first then we need two verbs (taught, read), whereas if the verb comes first then the correlative conjunction can tie together the objects of the verb.

Lists

Lists are another form of comparison. Try to make sure that the items in the list have a similar structure:

In The Open Society & Its Enemies, Karl Popper argues that modern fascism has antecedents in Plato’s ideal republic, Hegel’s conception of history, and in the communist theories of Marx.

Correct: In The Open Society & Its Enemies, Karl Popper argues that modern fascism has antecedents in Plato’s ideal republic, Hegel’s conception of history, and Marx’s communist theories.

Correct: In The Open Society & Its Enemies, Karl Popper argues that modern fascism has antecedents in Plato’s ideal republic, in Hegel’s conception of history, and in Marx’s communist theories.

As you can see, either add “in” to every item in the list or only at the beginning.

Prepositions

Watch out when you use prepositions:

She went to the bookstore to buy books on fishing, coding, and on breastfeeding.

Correct: She went to the bookstore to buy books on fishing, coding, and breastfeeding.

Articles

Be consistent when you add articles (a, an, the) to the items in a list:

My friend Jack owns a turntable, an old cassette player, and surround sound system.

Correct: My friend Jack owns a turntable, an old cassette player, and a surround sound system.

That

Often two parts of a comparison start with that:

Kenneth said that he would come camping with us and he would bring some firewood.

Correct: Kenneth said that he would come camping with us and that he would bring some firewood.

Bulleted lists

Faulty parallelism is especially common when the items of a list are placed on separate lines. This is quite common in bureaucratic writing:

The governmental subcommittee on jargon-free communication has the following key objectives:

• Facilitating clear communication with all stakeholders
• We will initiate a review of all press releases issued by the previous government
• Craft letters of apology to anyone negatively impacted by the utilization of jargon

Here is a corrected version:

The governmental subcommittee on jargon-free communication has the following key objectives:

• Facilitating clear communication with all stakeholders
• Initiating a review of all press releases issued by the previous government
• Crafting letters of apology to anyone negatively impacted by the utilization of jargon

Obviously there is a lot more rewriting we could do here, but creating some parallel structure is a decent start.

Caution

Don’t overdo it. If a sentence is short, or the tone is more casual, you can cut back on the parallel elements:

She not only bought me a coffee, but also a cookie.

After all, normally you wouldn’t say, “She not only bought me a coffee, but she also bought me a cookie.”